All you want is a peaceful hour to get the shopping done. All they want is absolutely everything! Here's how to keep everyone happy

Shopping. For many women it's a joyful occupation. But for poor old mums who have children to consider, it's like treading on eggshells. One small refusal of a child's request can result in a bout of temper the like of which has never been seen before. And the tantrums are not just confined to two-year-olds! A child of 11 can lose it big time too, when those £150 trainers are becoming less of a reality

No wonder mothers like to navigate themselves around the store at speed and get out quicker than you can say: ’ÄúHow many loyalty points this visit?’Äù But if the shopping experience has become a battle of wills you could do without, try putting some of these ideas into practice.

Don't shop till you drop!

Can you imagine how unpleasant it must be being forced to go shopping when you're hungry and bored, or worse, when you've been roused from a snooze in the back of the car? And then how frustrating it must be not being allowed to participate? That's the way your toddler feels when you drag them off for a mammoth shopping session.

Now multiply that frustrated feeling by ten for your average pre-teen. Because they can get pretty moody too, especially when the shops are full of desirable things but Mum is on a mission and just won't listen.

Picking the right time to shop and having a set agenda are paramount when it comes to a successful shopping expedition. For supermarket shopping, the best time is early morning when your toddler is alert. By afternoon they'll be flagging and by teatime you'll be running out of patience if they get irritable.

You should decide in advance what sort of shop this is going to be. Are you popping in for a handful of groceries ’Äì in which case do you need all the kids in tow? ’Äì or is this a full-trolley job? If it is, write a shopping list and stick to it, to save time and hassle.

Internet shopping is an attractive alternative because you don't have to take the kids anywhere ’Äì you can even shop when they're tucked up in bed at night. And your shopping list is 'saved' on the website so you simply modify it, saving you stacks of time.

If you're shopping for clothes or gifts you might find it more comfortable without young children, so that you can take your time to find something suitable and compare prices. Or do your browsing in peace on the Internet, and only head for the shops when you know exactly what you want.

Older kids hate to be dragged around shops while you browse so if you do have to do that, give them some sort of idea how the day will unfold. Let them know there'll be refreshments or lunch at a certain time. You could aim to visit two or three shops and then take a break for toilets and tea. Have a time in mind when you hope to be finished by so there is some sort of end in sight for them. Promising them a treat at the end is often a good encouragement.

Mummy's little helpers

Children of every age will be more manageable at the shops if you allow them to help. Some supermarkets provide mini trolleys for toddlers. Children from three up love to help Mum load the trolley ’Äì but if they start throwing in stuff you don't want, put your foot down!

A child of reading age can have their own 'mini list' of items which they have to look out for. Involve them and give them choices, and let them help you pack at the end. They will be happy to sort the various groceries into different bags. An older child could bring a friend along to alleviate boredom. They could check out the supermarket fashion together while you whizz around the food aisles with the trolley.

Rules is rules is rules

Before you even leave the house, it's worth reminding children about your shopping rules. Even very young children will be receptive if you repeat something often enough.

For instance, say to a toddler: ’ÄúNo sweeties today. Only apple slices.’Äù Hopefully, they'll repeat it and you can keep reminding them when you're in the store, especially when you're at the checkout, near those tempting sweet displays. This is where a bag of 'emergency supplies' comes in handy so don't forget to pack your apple slices or a tub of dried fruit as a distraction.

For older children, it's okay to say: ’ÄúI'm not buying comics today, but if there's no fighting in the car, I promise we'll go to the cafˆ©.’Äù Be true to your word though, or they won't trust what you tell them.

Children of all ages can be persistent, but with pre-teens a different type of pressure exists ’Äì peer pressure. If you don't want to be pressurised into making impulse buys for an older child, tell them firmly: ’ÄúI'm not buying clothes today, but I promise we will look at the trainers just to compare prices.’Äù That way your child knows exactly what to expect, and should be less likely to get stroppy.

Pester power

If we constantly give in to our kids' demands for things, there will be no end to what they request. And by caving in all the time we're not helping them learn about the reality of expenditure. Some parents become crippled financially because of their children's demands.

Know that it's okay to say ’Äúno’Äù to your child. But do explain why, so that your child has a clearer idea and doesn't feel you're ignoring their needs and wants. Perhaps they've had something else recently that cost a lot, or maybe you simply can't afford it.

But remember, it is important for children to feel they belong to the 'gang' so don't automatically turn down every request if all their mates have the latest fad. See if there's another reasonable way forward. Perhaps your child could contribute their pocket money towards the cost of those new trainers. Or could they be an early birthday present?

Supermarket tantrums

Identifying what triggers a tantrum and heading it off before it builds steam is the best way to deal with impending eruptions. Look at whether your child is hungry, thirsty, tired or bored, and work out how to help prevent that, so the tantrum doesn't build up in the first place.

If your child does reach the point of no return and have a full-blown tantrum, follow this six-point plan.

Accept that people will stare and tut if your toddler screams. Ignore them. Don't smack your child or shout because you feel other people expect you to. Keep calm. Try to distract your child. Ignoring your child may work in the safety of their own home but not in a supermarket. Don't walk away from them while they thrash around on the floor. If the worst comes to the worst, remove your child from the trolley and take them outside. Sometimes hugging your child closely can ease a tantrum. Don't reward your child's tantrum with sweets and don't punish them hours later at home when they'll have forgotten all about it. Just continue with the shop as normal.

Shopping tips

Shop on quieter days for less stress Don't take the children out on empty stomachs unless you want your first stop to be a restaurant Pack cartons of juice, bottles of water and snacks Pack small toys and books for a toddler as a means of distraction Bring reins or a wrist strap for a toddler if you can't convince them to stay in the trolley Consider a once-a-month mammoth shop for non-perishables where you leave your child with someone else

Money, money, money

In a society where children possess more than ever before, and are constantly tempted by one expensive fad after another, how can parents begin to teach their child about the value of money and that it's not all about spending it?

Introduce the concept of 'saving for a return' early on. Open a savings account for your child and give them an incentive to put their money away. A young child could earn stickers or a book if they make so many lodgements; an older child could earn 'points' that go towards a new CD. Talk to your child about the value of money. A child as young as five will want to know what they can buy with a pound coin. Play simple money games where they have to identify different coins and encourage them to work out the denominations up, to say, 50p. Play family board games such as Monopoly and place money boxes around the house to collect loose coins. Be a family that talks about money. Allow your child to 'earn' their pocket money by all means, but don't let it turn into a bargaining tool. For example: ’ÄúI'll make my bed if you give me a fiver, Mum.’Äù Don't burden your child with family finance problems but do let them see how you juggle the family budget and how money is allocated for bills and shopping. It will help them develop a keener sense about money.