Awash with success or simply a washout' What does your bathroom say about you' Well, judging by some of the ones we've witnessed, there's a long way to go before bathing harmony becomes a British phenomenon! In the meantime we're dealing with bathroom disasters on a daily basis ' but we're doing our best to piece them all back together in a far more elegant manner.
Mission not-so impossible
So why our devoted quest to improve this zone, we hear you cry' Well, your bathroom, after all, should be a private place to cleanse. It should be a soapy source of serenity and sanctuary and not somewhere to indulge your paint-fuelled, infantile fantasies via strings of dried seaweed and anchor-shaped mirrors. So cool it ' don't swamp every surface with an avalanche of pebbles, coral and dried puffer fish and don't go crazy with back issues of all your favourite gossip mags.
So what is the problem with bathroom clutter' Well, think about it: dried seaweed was once moist and if you place it in a room full of steam and water it'll become moist once again. Then it will rot. And do you really want the acrid smell of decaying kelp hanging around your home' Thought not. Then there's those pebbled surfaces; if your shelves and windowsills are swarming with stones and other oceanic flotsam and jetsam then where exactly do you put all your toiletries and toothpastes' Quite.
But putting things right needn't mean a complete refit. A clean bath, flooring that's in good condition and ample space for toiletries is a start. If your bathroom is more drab than fab, our guide will help you turn it into a chic haven in next to no time. Coloured and shell-shaped bathroom suites
Blue is fab for denim jeans. Dusky pink looks gorge on a rose. And avocado is lush in guacamole. However, as far as ceramics are concerned ' they're all WRONG! Come on; you know the rule ' bathroom suites can be ANY colour as long as they're white.
And shell-shaped' Sorry, we can't even bring ourselves to go there.
Control the tiling
Larger rectangular tiles may seem at odds with the proportions of smaller bathrooms but there's method in our designer madness. Using larger tiles can serve to limit the number of grout lines, de-fussing the room and increasing the feeling of space.
Watch the position
Money saving tip: when you're redoing your bathroom keep costs down by trying not to move things around too much. Bear in mind that a plumber will charge much less for a one-out one-in job than one that involves repositioning each piece of sanitary ware.
Tub versus shower'
We're big fans of bathing and showering and to choose one over the other would be difficult. If there's room in your bathroom to install both a tub and a separate shower then you've won a watch. If, not then there are several options available. The first, if you've got sufficient space, is to install a bath and add a shower above. Stores such as Argos have a wide selection of fittings and waterproof curtains to make the best of this job. Another option, if space is limited, is to use a 'sit' bath from a company such as Armitage Shanks. Finally, if space is really tight, choose a funky shower cubicle by www.bathstore.com.
Steely determination
It's easy to overlook, but make sure all your bathroom accessories match the colour of your taps to provide uniform style. So that means no gold faucets with chrome accessories.
Sexism with soap
Well, knock us down with a soap on a rope! Who knew that in bathrooms up and down the land, the ultimate battle of the sexes is being played out every single day' Face it: in any tight, sharing space there's bound to be a bit of to'ing and fro'ing. But add males, females, bathing and toileting to the mix and you've got a washing war zone that changes hands with every struggle. A fight filled with foam, a tussle over towels and a campaign with conditioner. Aye, it's a very messy battle where the unfortunate loser is the bathroom itself.
Look out ladies
Now at this point, gals, we don't want you getting into a lather. We're not trying to be deliberately sexist but bathrooms do tend to be the domain of the female of the species. And therein lies another decidedly nasty design crime: the oestrogen-fuelled decorative overload that's known as girly overkill! So, what, exactly, is girly overkill' Well let us explain: it's when a bathroom becomes so feminine ' and so anti-male ' that it needs a placard of a little miss on the door. How many bathrooms have you seen that are festooned with frilly curtains, hanging beaded light cords or dust covered Victorian dolls' And how many are stuffed to the gunnels with bath cubes, cuticle removers and hair-matted curlers' Blimey, we know it's hard work being a woman, but it's even harder on the poor blokes who have to share their space with the queens of clean!
Ban the bog
Boys! Stand up for yourselves and ban these ladies' things from your bog: Anything overtly floral Do you really want to feel like you're tinkling in a forest' Teddy bears/cute figurines How old is your missus'. Tell her to grow up. Cuddly toys As above. Only these are absorbent so even less suitable for a wet room. Potpourri Ok, so it might smell like a synthetic alpine forest to start with, but within days it just smells of dust. Scrunchies Hanging baskets of wet dead skin. Nice. 14 bottles of shampoo/conditioner/body spray etc Why so many' Just how dirty is her indoors' Personal items Out of sight, out of mind. Period.
Boys beware
Now admit it fellas, you're not exactly the cleanest of toilet goers are you' You know what we mean ' when a man's gotta go, he's really gotta go. It's usually a frantic sprint, seat down, splash about, forget to flush, and forget to wash hands. Or else it's a veritable sit down protest whereby you take up residence for the night pouring over the papers as you do some of your finest thinking ' and stinking!
So just how can a bathroom become too blokey' Quite easily, really. Especially if it's littered with unused Christmas gift sets from years gone past (Hai Karate, Brut, Old Spice ' thanks Aunty Betty); has no loo roll (what do some boys use to wipe their bottoms with') and your shower curtain is more fungus than fabric. With any of these you'll be well on the way to creating an exclusion zone for the girls in your life.
Men behaving badly
Now it's your turn, girls. Liberate yourselves and give these masculine items the big heave ho:
Lads mags Well-thumbed, absorbent sheets of paper left next to the WC' For the love of God they're loaded with all manner of dirty deposits. And no girl wants them lying around!
Underpants Is that the face of Christ we can see in that discarded pair of Calvin's' No it's a horrid pair of pongy pants looking for a laundry basket.
Toe nail clippings Put them in the bin or flush 'em down the loo. Just don't leave them there! Short and curlies There's nothing worse than a plug hole that looks like a giant spider! A dirty, dated dressing gown And covered in last night's takeaway curry!
Before you go changing
We love a bit of enthusiasm for a home makeover project just as much as the next person. But before you rush out to buy a completely new bathroom suite, we urge you to stop and think about the services you need from your room space and how you can make things easier for you and your family.
Maybe a double sink is just the ticket to sort out you and your partner in the morning' That way, you don't have to share a small space. Or perhaps a state-of-the-art Jacuzzi bath could ease away the stresses and strains at the end of a busy day' And,
just because you've installed a shower cubicle, don't think that a shower attachment over the bath tub
isn't necessary. C'mon! how else can you wash your hair without getting every other part of your body soaking wet'
Colin & Justin's top 10 bathroom mistakes
So just how bad is your bathroom' Appraise it with our cheeky checklist of problems ' and find out just where you are on our scale of horrors.
Toilet roll dolly
What can I do with this spare loo roll' I know, I'll stick it up Barbie's bottom and hope for the best.
Sea shell collection
No wonder the shorelines of our great island are receding. Shells, after all, belong on beaches ' not in bathrooms.
Toilet brush
Satan's own wand of woe, filled with debris and God knows what else. Avoid at all costs!
Open fronted medicine cabinets
All your pills and potions on display' Why not simply take out an ad in the local paper and tell everyone how sick you actually are'
Corner bath
This does not say luxury ' it simply says you don't have enough space for a proper bath. To us they reek of Brookside Close. And look where that ended up. Exactly ' DOWN THE DRAIN.
So, if you've got a 90-degree lump
of plastic, ditch it now and fit a proper bath instead.
Gold taps
STOP! Gold, after all, rhymes with mould, old and scold. MOULD ' what your dated jewels are now covered in. OLD ' 'nuff said. And SCOLD ' what we'll do to you if you still have them after reading this magazine.
Terrible tiling
Sea life scenes, wheat sheaf or anything with a vegetable pattern printed onto it. Oh and gold marble effect, smiley faces and those with Forever Friends ponies. You get the gist.
Polystyrene ceiling tiles
Vile, vile and thrice vile. Great for scrunching into dust to create fake snow for the kid's nativity play but that's about it. They're the devils own homework so ditch them.
Carpets
Think about it: carpets are fabric and fabrics absorb liquid. Do we really need to spell it out'
Mould
You know, that fungal growth which stretches along the rim of your bath and across the tiles in your shower cubicle. The same stuff that's currently encrusting your ancient plastic shower curtain. Arrrgh!
Points to remember
Bathroom suites should be white. Coloured ones are just plain wrong.
Built in mirrors help bounce light around the room to create a brighter, fresher space.
If you can hang an extra mirror, opposite your window, then give it a go. The reflected light will really open up the room making it appear much larger.
Tiled surfaces are easy to clean and maintain.
Carpet is a NO NO!! Water repellent floor finishes, such as Amtico or ceramic floors are perfect. Splish, splash, splosh darlings, and the devil may care.
Choose chrome finishes, NEVER gold!
Keep lighting clean and simple. Recessed bathroom proof spots are perfect.
Home Spas
Until recently, spa treatments were the domain of those people with serious money to burn and the only problem they faced was choosing between stars' spas: Champneys or Babington. These days however, you don't have to go to a spa to pamper yourself ' you can do it in your own bathroom, every single day of the week!
Follow our tips and we'll introduce you to paradise via easily obtainable high street finds and a multitude of home shopping solutions.
Ceramic, stone or marble floors'
Visit Topps Tiles for an amazing mix of quality ceramics. Their mosaic collections are second to none and with colours that range from rich caramels and toffees reminiscent of Thailand or Bali to brightly hued mini tiles in reds, greens and blues ' you'll be spoilt for choice.
Genuine stone or marble is luxurious in your smallest room and if you can afford the indulgence of purest limestone then go for it as
a matter of design urgency! It's warmer than ceramic underfoot and as far as creating the spa look is concerned it so hits the spot.
If you want to get the look without the cost then panic not. There are some easy ways you can go about this. The simplest is to limit your limestone to one feature wall using the same principals of a focal zone of wallpaper in your living room. Tiling the top of a shelved area also looks effective or you could paint a limestone shade using one of Crown's wonderful colours and then add a border tile of real stone. Tumbled marble is also a great product to get the look ' it's basically a composite material created by bonding tiny fragments of genuine stone. It's about half the price of solid marble and can look every bit as good.
Fabulous sinks
Stone sinks are great news at the moment and are now available in a selection of shapes from square or rectangular to circular or even egg shaped. You've probably seen designs like these in stores such as Fired Earth or The LimeStone Gallery but these days they're stocked by much more affordable outlets. Check out BathStore.com for some seriously good kit or to save fortunes jump online and visit Half Price Bathrooms for extra good value.
A bit of pampering
And how about the extras' Well, as far as we're concerned, bathroom indulgence shouldn't stop at the suite you choose or the tiles you fasten to the walls and floor.
To create wonderful balance and a really indulgent look add lashings of fluffy towels (try Debenhams and House of Fraser, two fabulous retail destinations). And think about things of an olfactory nature, too. Oils and scented candles (Jo Malone is our fave) will add an ambience reminiscent of spa treatment rooms but remember at all times to be 'candle safe'. Don't sit a candle directly on to any surface, which could ignite if it burns down. Plastic baths are particularly vulnerable and so too are wooden shelves, which can easily become hazardous if hot flames come into contact with
their surface.
Say it with flowers
Should you go for cut flowers or living plants, such as orchids' The choice is yours but when we're putting spa inspired bathrooms together we tend to opt for gorgeous moisture loving plants, such as the Phalenopsis orchid. We'll gather one or two in an attractive wide-rimmed timber pot (try Au Naturale, for a brilliant range) padded out with a spot of Sphagnum moss and watch as they burst into bloom. And in terms of value' Try this conundrum: a '10 bunch of flowers that will last
10 days or a '15 orchid that will last months. You don't have to be Carol Vorderman to do the maths!
