With more of us living alone than ever before, singledom is no longer considered a sad state of affairs. That said, it’s not always easy being an unattached girl – so here’s our guide to having fun, being fulfilled and making the most of what should be a fascinating stage of your life…

Not so very long ago, if you were single past your early 20s, you were an object of pity. Such women were considered ‘old maids’ who had been unable to snare a man and had been left on the shelf. Fortunately, things have changed. The proportion of one-person households has doubled since 1971, and there are seven million single people in the UK, according to the Office for National Statistics. And these are not just men and women who have yet to find a committed relationship – our partnerships are far more fluid these days, with almost one in two marriages ending in divorce. So for many of us, coupledom is no longer for life: a lot of those currently in relationships will probably end up going solo again at some point. No wonder attitudes to being single have shifted.

Lingering stereotypes
However, while single women may no longer be dismissed as spinsters, there’s still covert social pressure to settle down. ‘There’s a feeling in our society that only a relationship can make you truly happy, and that, if you’re on your own, something’s missing,’ says Bella DePaulo, US social psychologist and author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, And Ignored, And Still Live Happily Ever After (St Martin’s Press, £11.42). Unkind stereotypes abound – if you’re single, you must be sad or self-centred, desperate or difficult to be with, and single women tend to be seen as marriage-obsessed Bridget Jones types. ‘These stereotypes can be painful and frustrating as they often don’t fit,’ says Bella. Single women these days are much more likely to be focused on work, interests, friends, family and personal development, rather than worrying about their lack of a boyfriend.

Pros and cons of singledom
That said, although you may be out pursuing your interests, travelling, partying and generally having a great time, there’s no denying life can be harder when you’re on your own. Relationship therapist Andrew G Marshall points out that we are social animals, designed to be in partnerships – so there’s no shame in admitting you’d like a boyfriend. A good friend can’t cushion the blow of a stressful day at work in quite the same way as an intimate partner, and the reality is that many singles do want to be with someone. ‘It’s particularly hard being on your own when you’re in your 30s,’ says relationship therapist Susan Quilliam.

‘The necessity of finding a partner for a family is a real pressure for women at this age, and if most of your friends are settled, you may find you’re spending more of your free time on your own,’ she says. However, there are lots of positives, too. And even if it feels as though you’ll be on your own forever, the chances are you won’t be. So instead of worrying, make the most of this phase of your life with our eight steps to loving singledom.

Remove your rose-coloured romantic specs…
Relationships often look better from the outside, so it’s important to remind yourself of the realities. Your coupled-up friends are not all bathing in the glow of daily romance; they’re arguing about who’s doing the washing-up, fretting about whether they’re having enough sex, and dreading the next visit to the in-laws. And while being with someone can be wonderful, it won’t be the answer to all your problems.

‘There’s a general feeling that “The One” is going to solve everything,’ says Bella. ‘That’s a myth. As our lives have become more complicated, with less stability, we’re looking for a simple path that rescues us from our stress and insecurity.’ In reality, you’ll still have all your other worries and a boyfriend won’t make everything else fall into place.

Enjoy your own company
Being single is a chance to get to know yourself well. Make space for some quality solitude; reading, going for walks or having weekends away. It’s important to understand why you’re currently single.
If you want to be on your own, knowing why that’s the case will help you understand where you fit into a couple-dominated world. If you would like to find someone at some point, understanding why you’re single now will help make a good relationship more likely. Keeping a diary can help – over time, you should see some patterns emerge.

Pamper yourself
Partly because you can – but also because you owe it to yourself. You do miss out on the benefits of being touched and cuddled when you’re single (unless you happen to have particularly tactile friends and family!) so make sure you book in regular massages and facials. And this is not just an indulgence – research shows being touched relieves stress and boosts the immune system. If you’re short of cash, check out local beauty therapy colleges – students in training often need guinea pigs for treatments at a reduced price.

Take a solo holiday
Trips with a partner can be fun – but they also tend to mean compromise. When you go solo, however, you can choose exactly where you want to go, and what sort of break you want to have. Let’s face it, not many men would be up for a salsa holiday. ‘Being on your own can mean you have a lot more freedom, whether it’s a short holiday or a longer spell away travelling,’ says Bella. If you don’t feel comfortable slinging on your backpack for a lone adventure, there are plenty of companies offering holidays that will put you with other single people in a safe environment. These holidays can also cut out the additional extras you might have to fork out for when you’re alone, like single room supplements. Try Solos Holidays (www.solos holidays.co.uk). If you’d prefer a less obviously singles-oriented break, try an adventure trip company like Exodus (www.exodus.co.uk).

Make a life plan
‘Being single gives you the freedom not just for small things, but for big life decisions, like taking a sabbatical, changing career or moving abroad,’ says Bella.
While making big changes isn’t impossible when you’re coupled up, it’s a lot simpler when there’s only yourself to consider. Think about all the new possibilities that can open up when you alter something in your life. Use this time to think about where you’d like to take things next. A move abroad perhaps? Switching career path? Anything’s possible now.

Remember to have flirtatious fun
Now this is something you definitely can’t do when you’re in a relationship. A good flirt can give you a buzz of confidence, and if you’re not used to it, playing the seductress is also a way in which you can experiment with that side of yourself. Learn to feel sexy – try new clothes and makeup, and invest in gorgeous underwear. Flirting itself is all in your body language, reckons sex expert Tracey Cox. She suggests making eye contact, touching the man’s arm, and allowing your face to soften. ‘Things like playing with your hair and showing your neck are also very seductive,’ she adds. There’s something refreshing about trying all these tricks when you’re happily single – flirting’s a lot more fun without the pressure of feeling you’re on the hunt for a partner. And don’t dismiss short relationships, even if you really want a long-term partner,’ advises relationship therapist Andrew G Marshall. ‘You can learn a great deal from them.’

Spend quality time with friends and family
Trust us – you won’t get around to doing this when you’re in a serious relationship. Think of different ways of spending time with those closest to you. Rather than just showing up for dinner at your mum’s, why not suggest a shopping trip or having a pedicure together? That way, you’ll bond as adults and have a much more rewarding experience than the usual child-parent connection. The same goes for all your close pals – instead of just going out to the pub, consider hiring a cottage and having a long, bonding weekend away with a bunch of them. You’ll discover interesting sides to people you have known for years, and learn a few new things about yourself, too.

Do the things you’ve always wanted to do
Now’s the time to try things you’ve always fancied having a crack at – whether that’s rock-climbing, sushi-making, starting that novel or taking up yoga. Hobbies are harder to get into when you’re with someone; in fact, there’s a strong chance you’ll never get around to committing to an activity or interest when you’re involved in a relationship. But being single gives you plenty of time to devote to a hobby. ‘Choose something creative that really absorbs you,’ advises Bella. ‘You’ll meet all sorts of different people, and this should also help you from falling into the trap of spending all your time with other single women.’

Happily single celebs
They can have any man they want, but these celebrity ladies know how to be happy alone, too

1. Kim Kardashian
   The reality star’s been attached to American football stars Reggie Bush and Audely Miles but says she ‘feels powerful’ solo. ‘There was a time in my life where I always wanted a relationship, I thought it was the most important thing.’ However Kim, 30, still expects to marry. ‘I want the best-friend type of partnership,’ she says.
    
2. Kelly Brook
   Our fave Essex girl has only had three known relationships – a seven-year romance with Jason Stratham and an engagement to US actor Billy Zane. Now, after two years, Kelly has finished a dalliance with rugby ace Danny Cipriani, but the 30-year-old model is relishing the single life: ‘I love the fact I can fly to Barbados with my friends instead of being tied to the house, ironing shirts.’
3. Emma Watson
   The 20-year-old Harry Potter star reportedly dated (then denied) singer, model and One Night Only singer, George Craig, but didn’t find love. ‘I like guys with a quick wit. I love banter,’ says the actress. ‘But I’m a positive person and live every day to the full.’ After being told by her father that she was worth £20million (he saved her film earnings for her) we’re not surprised!
    
4. Sadie Frost
   ‘I quite like speed dating, it’s good fun, but I’m even happier being single at the moment,’ says the actress. Sadie, 45, recently called time on a romance with actor Andy Jones and has been married twice – to actor Jude Law and ex-Spandau Ballet guitarist, Gary Kemp.