Being a foster parent can be challenging and frustrating, but also incredibly rewarding...

Much as most of us don’t want to think about it, there are thousands of children out there whose short lives have been, at worst, a living nightmare. Some are born with learning difficulties or physical disabilities purely because their mother consumed too much alcohol or took drugs during her pregnancy. Others have been neglected, shunted from pillar to post, abused both physically and mentally, and abandoned.

It may be very hard to stomach thoughts of innocent children being treated so badly, especially by their own parents, but there are ways that those of you in a privileged position can help. One of these ways is becoming a foster carer.

A helping hand
Almost 70,000 children were in the care of local authorities in the UK last year and, of those, a massive 73% were living with foster carers and almost half were aged between 10 and 15. So what exactly is foster care?

Fostering is different from adopting, because the overall legal responsibility for the child is still down to the birth parents or the local authority. If a child is adopted, the legal responsibility is signed over to the new parents, exactly as if he or she was born into that family.

‘Fostering is a way of providing a family life for children who cannot live with their own parents,’ says Elaine Dibben, foster care consultant for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF). ‘It is often used to provide temporary care while parents get help sorting out their problems or take a break.’

Most of the children will return to their birth parents once the problems are resolved. Others will stay in foster care long term, however, and some will eventually be adopted or older children may begin to live independently.

Suitable for fostering?
Fostering is different from adopting because essentially it is a temporary arrangement. The main criteria to be able to foster is that the carer will be able to provide high-quality care to the child.

‘Foster carers have to be able to offer their time, commitment, space and skills to care for children separated from their families,’ says Elaine. ‘These children may have experienced neglect or abuse before coming into foster care, so foster carers will need to be able to draw upon skills such as being a great listener, having a good sense of humour, being flexible and understanding the problems that the children may present.

‘Foster carers need to be able to create a sense of security for those children who may have had unsettled lives, and show ‘stickability’ and resilience when there are more challenging times. They need to be able to work as a team with the social workers and other professionals who are involved in planning for and supporting both the children and the foster carers. They must be prepared to take advantage of the training and development opportunities on offer to build on their own skills.’

The foster parent will often need to be in close contact with other professionals as well, including teachers, doctors and therapists, to help the foster child work through behavioural or emotional problems or deal with short- or long-term healthcare needs. You don’t need to be spectacularly wealthy either: although the child will usually need to have his or her own bedroom, you would receive an allowance, which is set by the individual fostering agency and is usually dependent on the age of the child in question.

In England, the government has now introduced national minimum allowances for foster carers, with a base rate of £100 a week for babies and up to £151 for 16- and 17-year-olds. This figure is increased if you live in London or south east England, where living expenses are higher. What is important is that the child is ideally placed with carers who are of a similar ethnic origin.

‘It is important for children to live with foster carers who reflect and understand the child’s heritage, ethnic origin, culture and language, and fostering agencies need carers from all types of backgrounds,’ explains Elaine. ‘This helps children not to feel ‘different’, and means the carers will have a good understanding of the child’s religious or cultural needs and can help them deal with any discrimination or racism.’

People do not need to be married to become foster carers. ‘They can also be single, divorced or cohabiting,’ says Elaine. ‘Gay men and lesbians can become foster carers, too.’

Unlike adoption, there is no upper age limit to fostering a child. ‘Having experience of parenting children into adulthood can be very helpful,’ says Elaine. ‘Children will present challenges, and foster carers will need to have the energy and be healthy enough to undertake what can at times be a demanding and stressful task.’

The greatest need
It is estimated that an additional 10,000 foster carers are needed across the UK to look after children of all ages.

‘For young children under school age, it is usually preferred that they have one foster carer who is not working to avoid them experiencing several care settings. It is also important that children are able to be kept together with their siblings when they are being separated from their parents, so foster carers who have the space and time to meet the needs of more than one child are particularly welcome,’ says Elaine.

‘Caring for teenagers brings its own challenges and they need foster carers who have particular skills in dealing with the particular issues of adolescence. Many children will really benefit from being able to live with a family rather than move into residential care,’ Elaine adds.

For more information on the BAAF, visit their website www.baaf.org.uk or call their head office on 020 7421 2600.

Different types of fostering
Emergency: A safe place for a child to stay for just a few nights.

Short term: Where carers look after a child for a few weeks or months.

Short breaks: Where disabled children or those with special needs or behavioural difficulties enjoy a short stay on a regular basis with a family, allowing parents or the usual foster carers to have a break.

Remand fostering: Where young people are ‘remanded’ by the court to the care of a trained foster carer.

Long-term fostering: Not all children who cannot return to their own families want to be adopted, especially older children or those who continue to have regular contact with their relatives. These children continue to live with long-term foster carers until they reach adulthood.

Family and friends or kinship fostering: Where children who are looked after by a local authority are cared for by people they know. Children can live with relatives without outside involvement.

Private fostering: Where the parents arrange for a child to stay with someone who is not a close relative. The local authority must be told about the arrangements and be able to visit to check on the child’s welfare.

Source: BAAF

 Image: Getty