Is planning your own funeral when you’re in your 30s morbid – or simply sensible?

Adrienne Cohen has been planning her funeral for the best part of a decade.

Adrienne, 38, from Hertfordshire, is married to Roger Winchcombe, 49, and they have two children, Arabella, six, and Guy, three. Despite being
in the best of health, Adrienne is already thinking about her funeral.

‘My mum Linda has always talked about her funeral wishes and made her views very clear. Her attitude has shaped how I feel about my own funeral. It’s not a negative thing – my mum is very open about everything, including her death, and I have taken that sentiment, too.

I’m not obsessed with dying, but I know it will happen at some point – not too soon, I hope! ‘I don’t think death is something to fear – but it is something we have to practically address. I don’t let people make decisions for other aspects of my life, so I’m not going to relinquish that control in death. Does this make me a control freak? I don’t know.

I simply have very strong feelings about what I would like in death, based on my personal approach to life.’

Cremation not burial
‘I hate the thought of being stuck in a box underground – I confess to a slightly neurotic fear that I could still be alive when buried, and unable to get out of the coffin.

In life, I’m quite a free spirit – so I’d like to be free in death, not cooped up in a box. So I’d rather be cremated. Also, I like the idea of having my ashes scattered, as it symbolises freedom.

I’m not totally sure where I want my ashes scattered, but my place of choice at the moment would be Bond Street in London, which is my spiritual home!’

A service with meaning
‘I’m Jewish but I’m not religious. I don’t believe in God but I’d still like my funeral to be held in my local synagogue and led by the Rabbi, because it would give the occasion a sense of community.

He’d know who I was and would be able to speak about me in a personal way. I’ve been to non-religious cremations and they have been so cold – at one, the person speaking about the deceased kept getting his name wrong. So I want my funeral to be personal and warm.

‘After the funeral, I’d like everyone to have a few drinks. Then I’d like close family to go for a lovely lunch somewhere with a bit of glamour – the kind of place I’d have gone with them, so they can remember me that way.’

No memorial
‘Having a gravestone can be a burden on the family. I don’t want my friends, family and children to have to visit the grave or deal with grave maintenance. Their memories of me will be what lasts – not the fact that they have to make a pilgrimage to a graveside.

‘Life carries on beyond death in memories, photos and discussions. My children are very well aware of who their grandparents and great-grandparents were, and we talk about them constantly so they still have a big role in their lives.’

Making her wishes clear
‘What Roger and I have done in a practical sense is to write wills and sort out our finances, in case one of us dies. This will ensure that the remaining partner will have enough financial provision to look after the children. Having children has made that a necessity for us.

‘I’ve made my feelings about cremation very clear to my mum and Roger – and when my children are old enough, I’ll tell them, too. ‘I’ve also left instructions about organ donation – what parts of my body can and can’t be donated. I think we should donate organs if possible. If my death can save another life, I want to go for it – with the exception of my face. I don’t want that touched, purely for vanity reasons!

‘My requests have all been verbal but I trust my mum and Roger. I may write them down for my children at a later date. It’s only practical – telling people means I know I’ll have what I want when the time comes.’

Jade planned her funeral
Reality TV star Jade Goody died of cervical cancer last year, aged 27. Five months earlier, she was given a 50% chance of survival – and she began planning her funeral then.

At the time, Jade said, ‘I’d want to have an open funeral and let everyone who wanted to come along. I want people to cry over me! And I don’t want people to have a booze up.’ 

Two weeks before her death, Jade wrote down exactly what she wanted – a public service, a 21-car cortege to drive through Bermondsey, where she grew up, and a burial at St John The Baptist church in Buckhurst Hill.

‘The funeral will be a celebration of Jade’s life, a reflection of how she’s lived the last seven years,’ said her spokesman, PR Max Clifford, at the time. ‘She wants it to be a big celebration because it’s her final farewell to everybody.’ And when Jade sadly died two weeks later, that’s exactly what happened.

Photographs: getty images, PA Photos